The past week or two, I’ve been reading copious amounts of Thought Catalog articles. They’ve been catching my attention for their bold titles that are quite relatable to me as of late.
Oh shit sorry. Yes, hi… I’m still alive! I’ve sort of claimed to be on hiatus just a week or so ago—which I still am. I consider myself still on the down low since my creative juices just haven’t been oozing out my pores. But I’ve been dying to get something out for my blog because it kind of kills me to not have anything new on here! So even if it isn’t my typical photography-abundant post, I’ll settle for a little chit-chat for now.
So back to Thought Catalog! What can I say except… I love Thought Catalog. Who am I kidding? It has helped me cope and most importantly, accept and live on. There are so many inspirational writers out there who will not deny the pains of life, but rather create something beautiful out of it. Did that make any sense? In that, I learned to do the same with my situation. More than anything, it’s really opened my heart and my mind to every possibility.
Yes, shit still stings. But yes, I’m also okay—and I’ve been content with what I have. I was able to make my mind and heart cooperate, and ultimately, made it work. Hmm, how do I explain?… Acceptance. It sometimes boils down to something as simple as that. I’ve accepted the situation as it is, which has brought me to a level of tranquility, which then led to more room for appreciating the other beauties of life. I recently found that I am the type of person who would run to books when I’m dealt with hardships. I run to articles, to advice, to wisdom. One of the books I picked up right away was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I’ve owned this book for a few months now, but only read it now. It’s one of those books that could save you, and I definitely read it at the right time. This book was recommended to me by a sweet girl named Angela, whom I’ve met through my Tumblr blog way back in the day. I remember she created a playlist for me and have suggested reading The Alchemist when I had my very first heart break. Someone who I did not know personally, reaching out to me… ugh I still love her for it. Angela Ulep, you’re the best. I’m actually wanting to write some kind of review or just thoughts on that book because it is truly beautiful. For now, I’m going to keep it sweet and simple—that book has helped me see things differently especially in a very dark time. It definitely did not disappoint. It’s one of those books that’s been built up by so many people, Will Smith even. And sometimes, when people hype stuff up for me, they end up not meeting up to the hype. But this book is just So. Damn. Beautiful.
Right off the bat, the first thing I remember picking up from the book was the idea of taking time to stop and smell the flowers. I was so caught up in pain and resentment that it was just so hard to recognize the other good things. At the time it was hard, but as the days passed and I have decided to help myself, I consciously worked on seeing the blessings and seeing other beauty. This idea led to another idea that I also apply in my life right now; which is making the most out of what I already have. Instead of dwelling on what I have lost or what left, I made the best of what I still had and it has been amazing.
Ultimately, what I’m trying to say leads back to Thought Catalog and how it contributed to my healing. Because most of the articles I’ve read are true and are empowering. They led me here. It might be too soon to say, because I’m not where I envisioned myself to be yet. But in a short period of time, I was able to pick myself up and power through everything that was thrown at me. Something that seemed so fucking impossible. I swear, I’m never a pessimist but that time screwed me up so bad I thought I was never going to get better. But here I am, I’m OKAY. I’ve pushed my own limits—which I’m not really looking to pushing any further any time soon. It’s just surprising what people can take sometimes. It’s crucial to seek help, and most importantly, helping yourself. Had I not done that, I know I’d still be stuck. I’m just immensely proud of how far I’ve come since. And I’m only getting better. Biggest shout out to Thought Catalog, haha. Who would have thought I’d say that.
So without further ado, I want to include some of my favorite ones.
“I’ll Always Fight For You But I’ll Never Fight For You To Stay”
If you’re choosing to be in my life and you give me your best, I’ll reciprocate that.
I’ll always do more than expected.
I always say thank you and show appreciation.
I’ll always defend you.
Even behind your back.
If you choose me I will always choose you.
And I don’t care about what people may think or say.
Their opinions I’ve never let influence my own.
To me loyalty is everything.
And you’ll always have mine.
If I see something in you, that’s it.
That’s enough for me.
But the second you make me question my own worth, that’s when I stop trying.
The second you start fumbling through excuses I don’t want to believe at first, I begin to look at you differently.
The moment you stop answering or showing you don’t care I will too.
The second things become expected and not appreciated, I pause.
The moment you take my love for granted or make it feel like some burden to you, I’ll walk away.
Because I should never have to fight to be in your life.
I shouldn’t have to compete.
When I make you a priority don’t make me feel like some choice you get to make.
When I go out of my way and you can’t even meet me halfway there, I’ll turn around.
I hate giving up on people.
But more than that I hate not feeling good enough.
Like my efforts should be more.
Like there is some flaw holding me back from earning and deserving your love.
Like my best doesn’t match up to you and what you want or need.
If you want to be in my life fine.
I’ll always fight for you but I’ll never fight for you to stay.
And if it comes to that, I’ll hold open the door with a smile and let you go without a word.
Even if I don’t understand or it’s breaking my heart to see you go.
But I’ll say goodbye and not dwell on it.
Because the truth is They. Always. Come. Back.
And to end this post, I just want to say I’ve been listening to I Don’t Care by Jeremy Passion and I haven’t listened to this on repeat in years, almost forgot how good it is. I wish to have love like that. ♥ If you don’t know the song, I encourage you to listen to it. I’m planning on making a playlist of what I’ve been listening to. Stay tuned ♥ This post may seem to be everything and nothing, but I’m glad I have a blog to spill some thoughts to. Lots of love! xo