So let’s start by recognizing the fact that it’s been FOREVER ago since I took self-portraits with my real camera. It’s been way overdue– considering I shamelessly love it so much, hah. Let’s just say I love being in front of the camera as much as I love being behind it. I don’t want to be shy or ashamed of that, because why the hell not? I’m not here saying I’m better than anyone or that I think I’m the best girl out there. Sometimes these photos feel like a new piece of clothing. I want to wear it and feel good in it. Much like a confidence booster, if you will. I’m sure that analogy didn’t make sense, so let’s move on.
“Look good, feel good”
Other than the fact that I’ve grown out of blogging (Tumblr days), the reality that adulting is quite brutal sometimes, and other than my conscious choice of staying on the down-low; one of the biggest reasons to why I stopped these portraits was because I’ve met people and I became quite shy about who I am– and by that I mean my quirky, girly, selfie-queen self. Yes, I know you may think I’m already that…but trust me, I was on another level as a 15 year old.
Many people who are in my life today met me at a time when I was deep in my hiatus and my desires of being low-key was in full effect. Less selfies, less photography, less social media. I went from an active blogger to completely M.I.A. Now, I’m surrounded by a different crowd and it feels as though I’ve to introduce myself all over again. Some may find it annoying, while some will support.
Ultimately, it all comes down to: Fuck it. I just want to do what I love. I guess I was afraid of having people saying things about me being so full of myself, which I beg to differ, as I mentioned above. You can’t let people’s opinions or feelings towards you be the motive for the things that you do. You can’t and will never please everyone.
I just can’t be bothered by these thoughts and people being so negative anymore. Like c’mon, it’s 2017. I want to live my life to it’s fullest; and if that entails me posting selfies everyday or every week then LET. ME. DO. ME. (well that escalated quickly)
There’s just sooooo much goodness and happiness in the world, from the big things, down to the smallest things, and I want to soak all of that in. Even the not-so-good stuff.
The past years, I’ve always looked forward to something— holidays, trips, summer, you name it. It felt as though the value of happiness depended so much on the big things, an activity, or a special event. And I just realized how big of a waste that is. If we all continue to think that way and only look forward to the big things, we are wasting so much of the year– so much of our lives, for that matter. Every day, every little moment, every bad meal and every good ones, grumpy customers and crappy shifts, every early mornings, late nights and sleepless nights, every naps and boring days, all of that and everything else in between are what makes up your life. So make it count.
I’m starting to see passing months as what they really are; an endless blur of little moments that make up your life, no matter what time of year it is.–
I hope you also start to see things differently, and choose to make a conscious choice and effort of living better and only caring about things that matter.
This post is named Happy Child, not only because of the song Happy With Me by Holy Child (that highly inspired the rainbow sprinkle donuts), but I think it just perfectly embodies my whole point of view and this post itself. Be a happy child! Be silly! Be everything!